Fuck ever after.
Fuck destiny and all those other unmentionables.
Need to live in the now like I'm fighting on life support.
Can't stop and wait for meaning or a reason to be anymore.
Gotta keep it moving, use my instincts, and search for the why in the everyday.
Can no longer stand to sleep, eat, fuck, work, drink nor smoke my life away. Being lonely sucks.
Yet being lonely amidst an entourage of creative friends, who I thought were my third family, sucks a fat one too.
Falling under the spell of depression because the other alternative is like Mt. Everest.
Yet still I climb. Slowly.
Sometimes not with care or comfort for others feelings but thine own.
Not giving a shit about saving face.
I'm not in a good place.
Cheers to not knowing how to snap out of my pity party.
Salut to not having a care 'cause I'll give it all I got.
Have to. Nothing else to lose. Nothing else to fear.
Gotta man up. Woman actually.
Face my unknown. Be not afraid of walking alone.
Be open to lose limitless to gain the infinite.
Go balls deep for what and who I want, if and when they both happen to discover me.
I pray he, maybe she (who knows and who cares) will have the eyes to see where many tried and failed.
Then, we'll be walking alone side-by-side together.
Yet until the universe blesses me with my vision of everlasting love, I gotta start crawling before I run.
Gotta give it all away.
Throw out the garbage with the baggage.
The perpetual pain.
The harrowing hurt.
The silent suffering.
Pain is life's necessity.
Reminds you that you're still alive.
Reminds you of your mere pathetic existence on this planet among 6 billion souls.
Reminds that you are here for whatever purpose the Great Creator brought you into being.
To turn a blind eye on your gifts means to spit in the face of your Maker.
Don't stop. Can't stop. Won't stop until I reach the promise land.
Where the end is the beginning is the end.
Aiming for the center of the universe, our Father, the core of all existence. Reaching for the oblivion of stars grounded in the love and sustenance of our mother Moon, the Great Nurturer.
I am him. I am her. We are we.